Chapter Nineteen
Tying the Knot
The twin marriages were solemnised at the Guruvayoor temple in Trichur. The celebrations were simple, with lunch served in the temple’s dining area. The next day we all travelled together to Alappuzha to see Ammuma and Peramma, Amma’s sister, to seek their blessings. A day later, we went home together to Kotthathala. Kochettan and his new bride, Ammini were to stay back there. I desperately wanted to spend another day at the home of my birth and Amma requested Appukuttan to extend our stay by a day. However, my husband was extremely strong-willed and wouldn’t allow it. I learnt soon enough that I had caught a rabbit with 3 horns, meaning that I had married a man who had strong opinions and was unlikely to listen to his wife, especially so early in the marriage. This marked the beginning of a life in which, for the most part, my will would not prevail.
On the 28th of October, we took the train to return to Trichur, reaching our destination at dawn on Tuesday, the 29th of October. I was already unhappy at not having been able to stay longer in Kottathala, and the long journey had been tiring. To make matters worse, I was in my menstrual cycle and had travelled the night in great discomfort. By nature, my husband was not one to spend money on luxuries. So, when we got off the train, we carried our luggage ourselves and lugged the bags towards the bus stand from where we got a bus to the house. If all this was not enough, the welcome we got when we reached the house was one that I will never forget. I was totally unprepared for the outrage of my in-laws when they realized that my husband had brought me home after marriage, for the first time ever, on a Tuesday. It was considered the most inauspicious day of all. My husband’s family, I was to learn that day, was vocal and hot-tempered. Seeing us at the gate set them off on a rant. The more I yearned for some place to wash and rest, the more I realised it was not going to happen anytime soon. In fact, the first thing Appukuttan’s family did was to lock the gates to ensure that we could not get in.
In Hindu families those days, women in their menstrual cycle were treated like untouchables. This meant that in any case, I would not have been able to enter the main house, regardless of how auspicious the day we had reached on might have been. Usually, menstruating women would spend the day sitting on a mat outside on the verandah and eat only what was given to them. They would have to rinse their dishes and leave them upturned on the verandah. The kitchen was out of bounds for them. It went without saying that there was no way a menstruating woman could enter a temple or even touch any object connected with prayer and worship.
Now that the gates were shut on us, my anxiety kept building. More than the physical act of being kept out, I was also not accustomed to being shouted and yelled at. Besides, reaching on a Tuesday on my first visit to what was now my home, was already a bad omen in my mind. We paid the price for it by waiting outside, not knowing what to do, for the next hour. I knew everyone was angry. Appukuttan’s parents berated him incessantly from the other side of the gate. I could do nothing. For a minute, I did think of running away back to Bombay. I did not think I could handle this family’s temperament. As a 26-year-old adult, I knew I was ready to face real life crises, but I was totally unprepared for this.
An hour or so later, Appukuttan’s sister Kochai chechi, who was immediately older to him in the sibling hierarchy, came out and ordered us to follow her. She made us walk for 3 miles across the countryside that morning. It’s not that I was not accustomed to walking, but I had not slept well that night, was wet, unwashed and acutely uncomfortable due to my periods. However, I did not voice my feelings and went along quietly. She took us to her father’s home where thankfully we were welcomed by a happier family. There I was greeted by a young unmarried girl called Ammini who made me feel at home immediately. I was given a change of clothing and was taken to the pond right outside the home, where I washed and regained some strength. We were served hot breakfast and unlimited tea. I was relieved and wished her well from the bottom of my heart. We stayed the day and it was only after sundown that we headed back for home. Tuesday was officially over after dark.
The next day Appu’s mother spoke to me gently and explained away what had happened saying that God forbid, if anything were to go wrong over the next few days, people would lay the blame on me, for having entered the house on a Tuesday. Appukuttan did not know these things, she said. My mother-in-law was a diminutive but a highly capable woman. She was able to control her children and family and could assert herself if needed. She was very religious, and I learnt that it was only after praying to the family deity in the local Shiva temple that her first son, now my husband, was born. From the seventh month of her pregnancy, she had prayed non-stop till the time of his birth and was overjoyed at having given birth to a son. However, though Appukuttan was born after three girls, making him very special to the family, he was brought up with the same exacting discipline that the girls had been subjected to. His parenting ensured that he had grown up to be very capable but for most part I realized Appukuttan was very much a self-made man. Over the years I would learn a lot more about how he had shaped himself into the successful, strong-willed and socially-conscious person he was.