Chapter Sixteen
Not Quite Love
I truly loved my job. It was perfect. The work atmosphere was congenial, and I had settled in well there. Yet, like most other Malayalee migrants to the city, I never stopped trying to obtain either a central or a state government job. The lure of a better salary and a permanent position made it a non-negotiable goal. I knew I would not have exchanged my present job for anything less than this.
To get a government job of any kind – whether a central government job or even a job with the Bombay State Government, as it was known back then, I had to keep renewing my employment exchange card. I lost my card once but thanks to Thankamma, the lady I had met on my first visit to the employment exchange, I got a duplicate card made without a problem. The real challenge was to attend job interviews. Vallyettan did not have the time to come with me to help me explore new options. I was not yet proficient in other languages, but I did not let these things deter me. I would venture out in search of better opportunities whenever possible, with the Lord Krishna as my companion.
That I loved my work was obvious to Vallyettan and Chettathi given the fact that I would talk of nothing else at home. A good part of my conversations at home also revolved around a young man who was my single, most important point of contact at work. My workspace in the office was situated right next to this young Gujarati man who I knew simply as Desai. I knew that he was a college student because he would avail of his student concession to come in a little later than office hours but apart from this, I knew very little about him.
Desai was always gentle and soft-spoken. Once he had marked his attendance, he’d exchange a few words with me, but his interactions were always polite and brief. His job was that of a personal assistant to a higher officer and so he would interact with him and delegate work to me. Desai’s role was to draft and type the cover letters and then he would assign me the task of typing the documents that needed to accompany these letters. I was truly grateful that because of him, I had virtually no interaction with any higher-ups. In fact, the physical set-up of our workspace also kept me out of the direct gaze of authority for most of the day. The main office was on the other side of the lift. That was where the attendance muster was placed and where our supervisor sat. Once we had signed in, we would occupy our places and soon I’d be lost in my work. I was grateful that Desai, my immediate superior was very patient with me and would give me detailed instructions and I felt free to get my doubts clarified from him.
There was no doubt that I admired Desai a lot. For one, his rotund personality reminded me of Swami Vivekanand. He was educated and I thought of him as a true gentleman. He wore a serious demeanour and I had never seen him behave in a manner that was flippant in any way. I think he was around my age, but I never dared to ask him how old he was. I didn’t even dare to ask him his first name.
On my weekends at home, which was the only time I interacted at length with Vallyettan and Chettathi, I would unabashedly sing this young man’s praises. I think I might have unwittingly said to them that if I ever met somebody eligible and with this kind of personality, I would be happy to marry him. Naturally they assumed that I had fallen in love with Desai. Nothing could have been further from the truth though. I had no command of any other language, no confidence to talk to anyone outside of my work and enough respect for my mother and family who depended on me, not to give it all up without thought. It also went against the grain to approach someone as committed and efficient as Desai and potentially entangle him in a situation that could disrupt our professional lives. So, though I never voiced it at work, I was proud of my feelings towards the man. This revealed to me a lot about my own character. I loved that I had the capacity to recognise good in others and to respect and openly admire that goodness where I saw it.
One evening at around 4 o’clock, evidently fuelled by my big mouth at home, Vallyettan and Chettathi along with Jaya, dropped in at my office. Chettathi brought another saree with her and asked me to change into fresh clothes. They told me that they were going to take me along to attend a musical programme of Lata Mangeshkar. They had contacted the Warrier who had recommended me for the job, got him to speak to my bosses and arranged for the required permission to take me away from the office early. I was pleasantly surprised and quickly did as I was told.
As we were getting set to leave the office Vallyettan asked me to introduce him to the young Gujarati man who I had been praising so much. I wasn’t expecting this. I told him I could show him who Desai was from afar but since I had never spoken to him except for work, I had no way to introduce him to the family. I also confessed that I’d be mortified if he knew that I had been speaking of him at home. I hadn’t realized that they would interpret my praises to mean that I wished to marry the man. “What a waste! So, you made us come all this way for nothing. I should have known better “, railed Vallyettan, completely disgusted with me. “How did I even think that you were smart enough to do something like this?” Vallyettan and Chettathi were naturally both upset by the turn of events and stayed angry with me for a while after the incident. I was undoubtedly embarrassed but nonetheless, I was extremely thrilled to have had an occasion to dress up well and attend a highly entertaining musical evening.