Chapter Ten
Amma’s Krishna
Shortly after we finished high school, Pankajakshi got married and moved to Bhopal. Though I had remained in constant touch with my school friend through letters and later over the phone, we had had no opportunity to meet each other in person after I left my village in December 1956. So, when she invited me along with my husband to celebrate our 25th Wedding Anniversary with her family in Bhopal, we eagerly accepted. We enjoyed our reunion thoroughly and it did not feel like I had not seen my soul sister for over a quarter of a century. Our joy notwithstanding, my strongest memory about that particular trip to Bhopal was that Pankajakshi introduced me to all her friends saying that “Sreedevi’s mother always had Krishna at her beck and call. Throughout our childhood I have seen her mother get the most difficult things accomplished just by calling out Krishna, Krishna.” It was my friend who reminded me of an incident that had taken place in our childhood.
Some years after Achan’s death, a passing ‘Namboodiri’, which is what the Brahmin community in Kerala is called, stopped at the house and gave Amma a flute and told her “For all the problems in life, devotion to Lord Krishna is the only recourse. Learn to play this flute and your days will pass in peace.” Amma learnt to play the flute on her own, in her own way. Now that her growing children participated in the housework, she started waking up a little later and would start her day by practicing the flute. Early one Onam morning, to her utter despair, Amma tried to play the flute but she couldn’t get it to produce a single sound and this depressed her hugely. On the second consecutive day of this occurrence, she called out to the Lord in grief. That night Amma had a dream. In her dream, Krishna teased her about not playing the flute and she cried her heart out to him, seeking his help. The Lord instructed her to get up, take an ‘eerkala’ and poke the flute. She woke up immediately and found an ‘eerkala’ in the ‘atha poo’ or the flower arrangement which had been made for Onam. She passed it through the flute and a lot of mud fell out of it. Overjoyed, she didn’t wait to look at the flute in the light and blew into it immediately to hear it play. It turned out that a wasp had built a nest in the instrument, for at night she would place the flute just under the roof, sticking it in a wooden niche. Overnight the wasp had filled the flute with mud. With the Lord’s grace, this mystery was solved. Amma of course, delighted forever in the memory of Krishna visiting her in her dream and helping her. When she told us about it the next morning, it strengthened our devotion and faith as well.
My mother’s devotion and the strength she drew from it were the hallmarks of her character. When she got married and came to Kottathala, she recognised that Achan had been brought up in the village with no siblings and very little active parenting. We know very little about Achan except that he was originally from the Mannady Warriem. Amma had more world knowledge than him because of her own rearing and the time she had spent living with her sister in the city of Trivandrum. Her exposure to the world was more than Achan’s and she took it upon herself to help him acquire some sophistication.
At the time of their marriage, one of Achan’s hobbies was to play ‘Chathurangam’ or chess. The men he played with earned passive incomes from their lands and did not think it necessary to be productively occupied. Playing with a man of the Warriem gave social acceptability to the game and the players, so Achan was much sought after. Amma didn’t verbalize her disapproval but Achan was aware that Amma didn’t really like him whiling away his time. Achan was smart enough to know that it was unwise to bring young men into a house where there was a beautiful, young bride. As chess was traditionally an indoor game, the young men decided to switch to cards so that they could play outside, in the shade of a tree. There they would get immersed in the game and lose track of time.
Amma held her peace for a while but realised that this could not go on. In the early days of their marriage they had one paid helper who would come to sweep the courtyard. The rest of the housekeeping had to be managed without help. Achan’s foster mother who was living with them, was old and needed care too. One day Amma finally decided that she had had enough. Taking a pot of water, she walked up to the men lost in their game of cards, poured the water into their midst, put the pot down with a huff and walked back to the Warriem. No words were exchanged. The men were decent men from good homes and dispersed quietly. The next day, they spoke to Achan about Amma’s concerns and addressing her, they praised her for the way she had handled the situation and promised not to come back to play again. This put an end to the card games. Soon after this, Vallyettan was born. Work increased in the house and Achan gradually learnt to help Amma with her chores and to look after the home. He had been unaccustomed to housework but slowly he learnt to enjoy doing the chores. Only when Ammuma came to the Warriem, would Achan discreetly relinquish the kitchen to her.
At one time, thanks to Vallyammavan’s wealth, Achan had access to plenty of money. That he could marry the girl of his choice and spend lavishly on the wedding was largely thanks to his uncle’s wealth. After Achan lost control of the property, he had started to depend on Amma’s earnings from her eye treatments to get spending money. It was usually just small change but Achan was grateful to have it. He had reached a state where he had very little loose change and agriculture was now his only source of real income. The carefree days of his youth were well past. He had begun to shoulder his new responsibilities and to live happily within their means. Amma herself was uncomplaining. Her main aim in life now was to educate her children and in their early years, she personally supervised the studies of her two sons and pushed them to do well at school. While Achan feared that they would run out of money and not be able to provide for the children’s higher education, Amma would reassure him saying that God would provide. Her belief in God was unshakeable. She knew that God was always with her and Achan soon started seeing evidence of this.
Whenever Achan needed money desperately he would ask Amma to use her influence with Lord Krishna and get him the money. Amma was happy that he believed that her Krishna could manifest miracles and that if there was a problem one could go to God. Though he would say it in a playful tone, it was believed that the money would come if Amma prayed hard enough. One day he said, “Let’s see your Krishna bring us fifteen rupees” and totally out of the blue, a money order for that exact amount arrived that very day from some relative in the army.
Another incident that none of us ever forgot was the time Krishna helped light up Amma’s path. Since Achan’s origins were from Mannady, the family deity of the Kottathala Warriem was the Mannady ‘Bhagwati Kaavilamma’ and on special days Amma would visit this temple. Amma’s sister’s daughter had also married into Achan’s family home. Once, Vallyettan and Amma made a trip to Mannady and stayed back for the evening prayers, which meant that they would have to return home after dark. Amma’s niece gave them a small makeshift torch made of dry coconut leaves to help light up their way. The slow burning edge of the torch, when waved about, would give them just enough light to see a few steps ahead. The route from the temple to the main road was long. They would have to make their way through tall paddy fields to the narrow path leading through the village before reaching the main road. They lit the torch as soon as they set out, because it was already very dark. By the time they had reached the path to the village, the torch had almost completely burnt out. Vallyettan was visibly worried and warned Amma that the road was much further away and that they would soon be in total darkness. Amma was unconcerned. She believed that once the torch went out all she would need to do was to call out to Krishna for divine intervention. As if to prove her point she asked Vallyettan to hand her the small bit of the burning torch that he was holding on to. Before it burnt out completely, she called out to Krishna and flung it on to the ground, saying “God will not leave me in the dark.” And wonder of wonders! At exactly the spot where the burnt-up torch had fallen, lay an unused torch perhaps discarded by someone. Vallyettan ran up to it and used their now dying torch to light the new one. He acknowledged that it was indeed Amma’s Krishna who had shown them the light. Amma was not surprised. This had happened so many times in her life. She believed that Krishna would not let any of his devotees down when they explicitly and earnestly asked for His help. And Amma had never been disappointed.